11/11/2010 I agree with both Xodin and Jason G on the number vs. detail part, other than that I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Please write some more! Maybe have Bob experiment with the limits of the changes he can create? Again love the story, keep the good stuff coming!
Excellent story, as others stated before Bob is a likeable and funny guy and the girls gives variety to the story in spite of their number.
I like the way Bob adapts with the unexplainable phenomena of morphing hypnosis. He just asume it works and don't ask further questions, just test it's limits. It's great!
Since my mother tongue isn't english I can't detect how much the story could improve if a reading proof process where applied, so I won't comment on that.
I read this one and came back looking for more. I really hope Hawk write a second part or another story, I'm already a fan =)
Wow, hidden gem of a story. I agree that it needed a good proofread though. Certain parts of the story read like rough drafts.
However, the overall story was great. I hope there's a part 2 in the works.
Not knowing this "Mike Hawk", the story was a good one overall but could have a few changes. It is very detailed and allows you to picture and imagine exactly what is going on with each one of these girls as if you are there. The characters seems very real and it amuses me how they continue to be attracted to Bob after the things he does in the story. But Bob is just too likable for some reason...Spell check would have helped the story out but it wasn't hard to figure out the messages the story was trying to convey. Overall, it was a good story. I'm assuming he will write more like this. I hope this guy doesn't have a girlfriend though...
Like some others have said, this story could have used a good proof-reading. The story itself is a good one though. I kind of got lost with all the girls and too much happening at once - i agree with Anon that your next installment should focus more on quality rather than quantity. Also Xodin made a good point that Leah, the first girl in the story was all but forgotten about in the last half. Seems like our hero should have ended up back with her at the end. Overall though, a great story. keep up the good work!
I was very pleased with the story overall. My only pertinent issues seemed to be that I felt that there might be one too many females to follow properly. Hawk, did a very good job describing most of them and keeping them separate in personality and description all the same. Not too mention that a lot of it did in fact remind me of various teens I knew at that age. Captured the feel of it so to speak.
There could have been more detailed breast growth as opposed to just saying "bigger" or "rounder".
I did finish reading the story wishing that Leah, the initial female character had been more central and more affected by the changes. I think this is primarily because she's the impetus for the story's growth related plot lines, and therefore seemed like she didn't get enough attention when she seemed to drop out of the last half of the story.
I thought it was fairly innovative, but like he mentioned, a dozen and a half errors detracted from my reading a bit. The guy's a bit blase', could be more enthused and excited about the growth (I know I would be if 'Mike Hawk' grew an inch!). There _were_ a lot of young women but the author did a good job of IDing them and keeping them segregated (I was not confused). I agree about avoiding MS Word .DOC files but .txt files lose all formatting ability. .RTF files are a good choice, or .PDF if you want to maintain control over the format. The story length was very agreeable, not too short, and not overly long. We wanna see more of this - boobs shakin' and shimmying as they grow! We _need_ more tits poppin' and floppin', so keep up the good work!
Thought the story was good. The BE lacked that "Loss of Control" aspect that most BE stories contain though. Not sure if that makes it worse, but it definitely isn't what I was specifically looking for. The boobs could have gotten a bit bigger, too. That's just a matter of personal preference, though.
A few spelling errors (spelling chequer, remember), but they don't detract except to annoy the anal-retentive side of me.
I have one odd complaint, though: There were either too many girls or I was reading too fast. For next time, try and keep the numbers down to two or three, and deepen their characters. As it was, they were just a parade of "she was big, she was bigger, this one had a nice ass, etc." Aim for depth over breadth.
Excellent premise. The main character, Bob, is the right amount of jerk and likable. Excellent descriptions in the sex scenes, and plenty of tit-f*cking action, once the girls get big enough.
I would like to see more of this.
On a technical note, just because the word passes the spell-checker does not mean it is the correct word. (e.g. 'shame' instead of 'sham') I like the fact that you took the trouble to put it into a very cross-platform format, the trusty text file. (MS Word files just rub me the wrong way somehow.)
Please keep up the good work, I am interested to read more from you, Mike Hawk.