The character was fine, I thought. The story is or course far too short to give her any real development but even in this limited context she clearly isn't the kind of 1-dimensional crap you get in some porn stories.
Keeping things in context, I find these short scenes quite enjoyable.
Characterisations tend towards flat, but it's a short story. I do think that even in these cases it helps to build up just a little more background. It helps define the characters as people rather than objects.
BE is generally good, similar between stories but you get that. I always found it hard to visualise something differently once it was already in my head.
As an aside, I don't see the need for the less than objective comments here. It's not constructive and I don't feel that it gives the authors any motivation to continue.
Okay, uh, could you be a little more needlessly insulting, guys? Test-0 had an open request stories/pics based on his stuff for his birthday, and I simply decided to come up with these for him as a thank-you for his work(I'm not going to go overboard on that count; if you don't like his work, that's not my problem)and as a sort of writing exercise, and since I thought these were at least fairly decent and that few things have been getting posted here lately, I thought I might as well post them here along with the actual stories I written that you've been conveniently ignoring.
I apologize for posting even the slightest thing that doesn't cater specifically to what you like; I just figured that if you didn't like short scenes, you'd notice that that's EXACTLY what I labeled them as. Besides people have have posted much shorter and worse things without getting crapped on like this; you haven't posted even the slightest thing constructive outside of whining about the story format I chose and the subject matter I went with.
I know there's niche here for short, to-the-point scenes, because I've seen a number of them here, and they've been downloaded quite a few times despite also being labeled as such. A lot of people may agree with you, but on the other hand, a lot of them don't, and they deserve stuff they like, too.
Let's be honest here - he probably *is* Test-0.
Your technical quality is fine. However, all you're doing is writing *scenes*. I have almost zero interest in reading 2-3 page BE stories. I'm guessing a lot of people are like me.
And I can see you're a big fan of Test-0. But as an artist, he's just not that good. He's barely got the human proportions down. Maybe you love super-abstract art. But the more abstract something is, the less real it is.