The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

R@gnaroCker
File: Evil Wishes Story: Magic Man
Part one of a probable two parter.Usual story of a teenager getting magic powers and going to school having the usual fun. Includes visual aids (windows 2007 doc with hyperlinks to another website)Have fun  
Average Scores:

~Q
Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Meh. Could be better, could be worse... pretty vanilla. Interesting concepts, but not enough creativity in the writing. And for all you guys concerned about the hyperlinks, they all lead to expansionmansion.com, which appears to be an orphaned BE site that probably hasn't seen traffic since '08. Most of the links don't even exist anymore to begin with since they seem to have shut down the members area.

...aaaaanyway. As I said, meh story. If you want to kill some time reading an adolescents fantasies about turning on god-mode in high school (half-decently written), then this is the ticket. Otherwise, look elsewhere.

DarkChick
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I cant even follow this story. Your writing is so jumbled and silly, its like you ARE a 16 year old boy who was never taught grammar.. I mean sorry for being harsh, but this story has no structure, no real story line...

R@gnaroCker
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Russian Judge, thanks for the comment, but I've been to that particular site many times myself, and I've yet to have encountered a virus. As to using the hyperlinks, I'd thought I was being "original", guess the point was missed on both ends there (by reader and writer). Typos? I was using Windows 2007 as you well know, it wouldn't allow for typos, only run on sentences perhaps. I'd thought I was better than most of the poor grammar seen in the average story. Windows word was used for all these reasons. But message understood, by removing hyperlinks, thus allowing a more common format to be available. Comment to Blahtson, inserting pictures = much larger file size, that's the point. As for the others who wouldn't read the format, if you can't read it, don't rate it. Again, when I can get around to the second part, all of these will be corrected

Roid Abuser
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I really could not follow this.

Russian Judge
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Nobody commented on the biggest problem with including links to external pictures. How do we know where those links go? There are a LOT of porn sites that include worms, drive-by root kits and other nasty crap that isn't always caught by antivirus programs. Unless you include graphics that are YOUR OWN, you are posting a risky file. And frankly, how many people who write porn would even know a live woman, let alone one that would allow her to have her bod to illustrate a porn story?

Jimmy
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

More descriptions, more lead-ins.
Jumping right into the pool isn't any fun,
you've gotta start with your toes.

Adama
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

Was able to read it, but with difficulty -- please use a more friendly format (standards are .txt, .html, or .rtf). The more advanced your file format, the more you shrink your reader base.

As for the story itself -- the idea of the powers he gives the girls is imaginative, and the writing is technically decent (if awkward).

The first part of the story doesn't have much BE in the story itself -- only by looking at the pictures can you tell that any growth has occurred, which makes it seem like the author doesn't know how to write descriptions (or that he started with a collection of morphs and wrote a story around them). It does greatly improve once you stop using the pictures. The second half of the story was better.

bear chives
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

the thing i liked best about this story was that you were really imaginative in how the guy uses his omnipotent powers. so often it's just "i made her boobs bigger", which can be fun, but you really explored the possibilities, which was really exciting to read.

some of these negative comments are pretty hilarious. People who find your story unreadable due to typos must be really tightly wound. I didn't notice much of anything.

FWIW, i agree that the links substituted for description. personally, I much prefer my imagination to morphs, which is why I like stories. So I clicked through to one of those links and left the rest alone. I don't have as high a version of Word as you either. you might consider exporting it to pdf or html or something.

If the links work for you then stick with them. no matter what anybody says, the most important thing is that you just keep writing what turns _you_ on.

maybeenuf4u
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Wow! It would appear there really are authors who troll the overflowing bra! I was quite impressed. I liked that fact that you included pictures, but a tweek might be to imbed them in the story. I really loved the fact that you started out with the same old same old, then took it to a whole new place.

As i am rating the story, I think you sholud listen to the other rater, who said you should describe the BE a little more, instead of JUST including the pics.

I liked the start trek references. I also enjoyed the nonsexual ending. But I think by leaving the main character as god of his own universe, the next story can be anything, but I'm not sure how it will relate, other then the mythical references.

Fantastic Job! Live long & prosper! & please write the next one soon!

anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

loved the ideas and the pics as a visual but describe a bit after the pic please but over all great i think. cant wait for the next one

Grendel
Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

Well, it could have been good.

You need a proofreader.

You use the pictures as a crutch. Whenever you link to one, you just stop describing things. What's the point of that? You should write the story as a whole unit, without any gaps in the description, as plain text. Then after you're done, go back and put picture links in. Don't use someone else's pictures in place of story.

PrBlahBlahtson
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

You used Word 2007 format, yet you couldn't just insert the pitures into the document? What was the point?

Anonymous
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

You've got some good stuff here, but linking to the images just makes it a less interesting read, since you drop descriptions.

Soliloquy
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

.docx ... boo.
More compatible format, please?

xx-prokilla-xx
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

tl;dr

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