The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

pakled
pakled05@hotmail.com
The Spheres of Sarissa
Something odd happened to this on the way to posting; an actual story got stuck in it before I could put a stake through it's heart and get it to press...;) Sheesh, 9 chapters. To spare our gentle readers, I've put in something I call 'waltzing the tilde', just Edit|Find, and search for ~, and you can escape the pesky plot development, long-winded romantic scenes, etc...;) (Don't you wish EVERYONE would do this?...;) Usual warnings of possessives, contractions, bad grammar, word usage, and plu-perfect split definitives apply. Have fun
Average Scores:

BB47
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I love it when a Great writer pops up out of nowhere and leads me to discover a huge body of work that is fantastically well written. Bravo!
In many ways, I find a commonality between you and me when it comes to your empathy towards women. You see them three-dimensionally instead of just as sex objects.
I like how you visualize the entire setting, establishing a solid backdrop to insert your characters into. It leaves tons of room for plot development and sex. The more realistic the characters, and the more relatable their experiences, the more I find myself thinking about this story after I have read it.
I don't give a shit about typos or grammar.. just do your best and move on.. don't let the turkeys get you down. I'm a BE author just like you and honestly, we don't have professional type-editors going over everything with a fine-tooth comb. I'm more interested in the ebb and flow, the erotic and the conflict. I know you've already finished this series, so there's nothing I can really say to make you change it. I can sort of see your creative process.. I believe that you have a few really good BE situations that manifest themselves inside of your construct. If I had to guess, I'd guess that the construct comes first.. the world, the magic, the basic scenario of the plot introduction.. and then you weave in the mechanics for the BE to present itself. After that, you use these first two elements as a springboard to facilitate the plot development. My concern is the same one that I have for myself.. that once we "blow our load" as the initial premise executes itself.. we get wordy and lengthy as we develop the story. From that point, the BE can become nothing more than a gratuity that is added in for flavor... which is not fair for our readers. Our writing needs to be BASED on BE/sex/expansion and the plot needs to wrap around that event instead of the other way around. I have thrown away gobs of good plot development because I left the path. I'm afraid that this is what happened with Spheres. It's a fantastic BE premise.. but by the end of the 4th installment, it was a full blown fantasy story with BE,etc. added in almost as a hindsight. Don't get me wrong.. I loved the story. But, being both a reader and a writer, I come here to TOB for a very specific reason. And that reason is boobs. Big, jiggly, sexy, mouth watering, expanding boobs. There's a lot of secondary reasons.. PE, etc. But if I could ask one thing of you.. and me.. stay true, don't veer off into non-topic verbosity.

Daemonfall
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Hate to be the All-fiver and not give better pointers. However, you've done a very good job that rate's just as much! I'll mail further notes when I have them.

V
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

You fool, the lurkers have tasted blood! Keep writing or they will devour you.

Q-BE
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

As many compliments have been paid to you, Pakled, I pay twice over. This is a stunning piece of writing that I thoroughly enjoyed, both as a lover of BE as well as a fan of medieval=based fiction. It felt at once like a combination of Camelot and Avatar, and possibly even a Final Fantasy RPG, what with all the magic and inventive concepts created throughout the story.

I will tentatively agree that the story didn't have quite enough conflict, per se, although the love story did create significant tension such that we were left wondering when, and more importantly, who, the protagonist would choose. Given his liaisons with so many characters, I began to wonder if that would come back to haunt him, but as it turns out, I believed the resolution either way.

I certainly hope and look forward to a sequel/continuation of this story. I want to see if Robert has success with integrating modern technology with their medieval world, and whether war will commence as the king feared. I also wonder about the King's health, as well as the prospect of another Earthling being brought to the world to which Robert was so fatefully drawn.

Wow. Just wow.

Sincerely,

QwizzicalBE (Q_BE @ the BEArchive Forum)

SMAP
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Very well-written, excellent development, obviously something you put a lot of work into. The beginning felt a little weak, since we're sort of just tossed into the middle of things, but you pull it back pretty quick. Amazing job building a believable world and customs that are different from our own, although at times the king felt a little bit too "fairy tale benevolent."

Sex scenes obviously leaned a bit more towards erotica than pure fap fodder, but that's more of a style quibble than anything else- they were all pretty well-written and interspersed often enough that you don't forget what you're reading. Actual BE wasn't terribly prevalent, but there were plenty of massive breasticles, so I can't really complain much.

All in all, an amazing story. Would love to see more from you, in whatever form.

D
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Cute little story and you still managed to work in a few good BE scenes, and even an old fashioned love interest. Keep up the good work.

Mopey
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Pakled: You get better with each story. This one is fantastic. I am so very happy that you continue to contribute to our little sub-culture. Thank you so much.
-Mopey

deux_anges
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Good plot progression, well developed (no pun intended) and interesting characters, and a touch of humour too.
I also liked the preg scene and hope you might add more in future, but that's just my personal tastes.
Nevertheless, good work! It's one of the best stories I've read.

TheDoobs
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

This is a penultimate example of perfect writing, plot development, and the little flavorings of the genre expected of this site. Character development and actually pulling in the reader into the STORY are.. well.. I can't say i've seen better. It's certainly erotic, but anyone who actually reads this to -read- it will finish it to the end in one sitting just for the sake of the writing style, pace, and presentation of the story. I have never given 5 out of 5 to any work on this site, but I give it here. Absolutely spectacular, and I am really looking forward to seeing future work. Bravo, Pakled. Bravo. *starts the slow clap*

Roid Abuser
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

This was a very well-written story. I concur re: the comparisons to the Twain's CYIKACourt. It's even closer to Sprague de Camp and Fletcher Pratt series "The Compleat Enchanter" (The Incomplete Enchanter (1941), The Castle of Iron (1950), and Wall of Serpents (1960), well, except yours is kinky.

Ferty
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Very well done, eagerly looking forward to the next installment!

PaulGerard
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I liked it! It's a bit like an updated "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" but with lots of sex and magick :)
There were a few places where either copy&paste had failed or something might have distracted you while writing - broken sentences, or the stray word here and there, like "(text)" She "(text)". Nothing too jarring, and I'm hardly one in a position to complain - I guess I've got my share of errors in my writing, too.
There's the groundwork for lots of possibilities in this opener, and several potential conflicts to be used later on. Waiting for the next episodes!
- PaulG

pakled
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Wow! Thanks guys. Yeah, I couldn't leave it alone; I've got 3 more chapters done, and will be diligently working away. Apologize that it will probably take a few weeks to finish, but hope to make it worth it. Plot's done, just need to fill a few holes...;)
The Plu-perfect bit is just a joke; I know I do better stories than grammar...;)

Steve
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Too short. Every well written fairy tale romance should be at least 300 pages long. I was really disappointed when I reached the end and had to return to my mundane life. Thank you for the exellent read.

Waldowin
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Unbelievably well written. Especially considering the length of the story. Looking forward to more from pakled!

anon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

If only more stories were written like this.

Old Jack
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Well done man! My only lagging issue is, and I say this knowing pluperfect tense, what the devil a split definitive is.

Fake-Name
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Excellent. I actually went back and read it in it's entirety.

Please, do continue.

cman
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Very well written. I continued reading even after it served its purpose :)

fourshot
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 3

well done! needed a few more proof reads though. I can see why it got good marks.

amnomynous
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

you make us GO

inside joke

Very well done.

Anon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Incredible story, would LOVE more! Maybe some scenes with threesomes or more? And I would like to see more of his pregnancy fetish, and more importantly the lactation, with his hot new girlfriend :)

Blamandude
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Best story I have read in awhile.
Shame on anyone who skips the plot!
Will there be a continuation? Or maybe a spinoff of another kingdom figuring out how to make guns or something?

mattek33
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

best story i've ever read.

rues65
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

well done engaging from the start. good plot,good descriptions.
maybe a continuation in the future?

Stainless Steel Rat
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

Wow, a real story with plenty of good stuff in it. Bravo!

ps
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

The best part about this story is all the non-be content. Keep it up.

Anon
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

Very nicely written. Though wording in a some parts was confusing.

Slack
Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Fun story, well written. I liked it a lot.

Anonymous
Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

That was an excellent story! Do you do any other writing besides BE?

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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