The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

pakled
pakled05@hotmail.com
Spheres of Sarissa - the Conclusion
Ok, done, finito, finished, shot the engineers and began production...;) This just became a such a 'bug' that I had to finish it. Not as much BE as it should (but the principals are mostly already 'expanded', but plenty of good clean dirty fun. Once again, use the ~ to avoid any wasted fappage...;) This mainly ties up loose ends, though the story kept breaking out into the action. Have fun. On to the next one, some old faces, some Steampunk erotica(maybe I'll be the first).
Average Scores:

billyjoemc
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

such great stories. hell of an author.

DarkGhost
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

One of the most imaginative stories in the archive. Ironically, I usually do skip the exposition but this story completely drew me in, rendering the ~ feature needless.

pakled
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

First, thanks to all. If there was a way to respond privately to comments, I would, but haven't had enough time to find it.

#1 - It's a fair cop; this is a BE site, and any story that doesn't have sufficient BE should more properly be posted at Literotica, or something like that (though they've rejected everything I've ever sent, at least at first). Problem is, all the principle characters are already 'plumped' up, so aside from doing the guys (there may be a market for that, but it's not me...;) once everyone's sufficiently buxom, the story should by rights end. I'll do better with the next one, promise.

#2 - Yes, the story came to a halt when I checked the page count, and went "Holy @#$%, I'm at a hundred pages!" Figuring I'd already 'jumped the shark', I was more concerned that no one would read a 215k 'conclusion'. But apparently I'm wrong (and that's actually a good thing...;)
Then too, I have this concept that pr0n and violence don't really belong in the same story; I originally killed off one of the guards, then thought better of it, and just knocked him out. There's nooks and crannies where another story could fit in (In fact, I already have the idea for a third part for the duology, but I need to get 'If it had happened Otherwise' finished first. Heck 'otherwise' is a revist of an earlier story, just with different characters. I'll probably start 'fleshing out' the story this Wednesday.
Thanks again, those who have read it, and thanks for keeping me honest.

Q-BE
Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Being that I was a huge fan of your initial story, this conclusion was very satisfying, albeit a little more fast-paced than the previous one.

I agree with the others that the strict BE aspects of the story were underplayed, although in the context of the storyline, that may have been warranted. Although I remained confused as to the open sexual relationships had by many of the characters (notably Sehlanna, though she less than others), I was able to keep my mind solidly in-world without breaking my suspension of disbelief. That is something I value very highly in a story.

I do also feel that the story isn't quite completed. We are left hanging on several plot points, as well as the protagonist's decision to remain on Sarissa versus Earth, although I realize that was addressed in the previous story. Something tells me there could have been a way for him to find a way to transport between worlds, but that is just me searching for the uber-happy ending.

Great story, needs more BE, but otherwise spectacular. Keep up the good work!

Q-BE

Ferty
Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I really enjoyed this two-part story. I hope to see more of this novella style in the future. I only have one major problem with the conclusion...the fact that it was "concluded." Unless you're setting us up for a sequel (which I hope you are), everything came to a screeching halt in the last few pages, with lots of story left untold. All in all, very enjoyable, and I hope to see more of both the story and your other works.

Peterpaardje
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 5

The changes of sehlanna are almost completely ignored, there's barely any description of them. Also, she suddenly has a very dominatrix way about her when she's rescued him. You'd think she'd be more happy to see him, instead she's constantly jerking him around. Are you sure she's supposed to love him?

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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