The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

The Titty Touch
Imagine if the midas touch created breasts instead of gold. That's the concept, I'm sure something similar has been done before but I hammered this out one evening. Hope you enjoy!
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

If nothing else, I would run this story through a spell checker. There were a lot of typos and words that you ran together.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Not a bad effort. The characters were a bit flat and could have used more fleshing out. There was a lot of description, but it didn't actually draw the characters.

The other thing that kept breaking up the rhythm of the writing was the use of numerals instead of words for numbers. The general rule is to use words unless you are describing direct numbers such as "the cost came to $13.98" or large,specific numbers "the roster read: trilobytes - 12,876 @ .13 ea.". This is especially true for small numbers such as one or two or large descriptors such as hundreds or thousands.

Also, pay attention to paragraph breaks (especailly for dialog), capital letters at the beginning of sentences and don't overuse the ellipsis.

Again, this has great potential. The overall story was a good concept, but this read like a good first draft. I think you should pick up Stephen King's book "On Writing" and re-visit The Titty Touch again.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

loved the ending. great twist and never ending story idea. loved it.

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

An excellent story, great premise. Would be better as an extended version.

Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Sorry its not my cup of tea, the dick getting lost TG stuff. Not that its not kind of fun, but... keep writing though. Youve got potential imho.

Overall= 4, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Fun short story !

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 4, Technical= 4

Great story, thanks.

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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
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Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
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Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
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