The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Barry the Ferret
The Hero Part 1 Corrected
Sorry for the reupload, reduced file size of PDF and corrected a few errors, please delete original. 

James discovers he is practically immortal and decides to become a super hero. The only problem is there is no need for one, so he decides to create a super villain femme fatale so he can acheive his dream. Part 1 is a bit light on sexual action I am afraid, a lot of setting the scene, but a little taster at the end of whats still left to come. Apologies for any errors, Anglicised spelling is intentional.
Average Scores:

Roid Abuser
Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 2, Technical= 1

This is a really cool idea --- superhero guy makes someone he can fuck.

The execution, however, was poor: to start off with, the superhero was not much of a superhero. So, he regenerated. So what? Not super strong, didn't fly, whatnot. No reason he wouldn't be happy with normal hot chicks. Perhaps make him too strong to have sex with normal women --- Google "Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue" regarding Superman's sex life.

Heck you could use an existing Superhero --- sexually frustrated Superman, trying desperately to get a girl he could be physical with, so he subjects Lois to an experiment.

And the government kidnapping him, then giving him tons of money is bizarre enough --- but to build a Moriarty Super Criminal? Really?! No logic there.

And finally, you went from the cute nothing girl as the subject of the experiment to the older lady with no apparent link.

Again, think this through and try again. It has great potential.

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