The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

A shining spirit meets Petunia. There is an orgy in the street. 
Average Scores:

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Horrendous, Couldn't get past page 1

Nick Name
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

So close.
I liked the part about arousing random people in the street.
Alltough the grammar makes for a pretty hard read.
And the shortnes makes it seem like this is just a skeleton of a story. A nice skeleton with potential but a skeleton nontheless.
Looking forward to a reworked version.

Angry Crayfish
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

The writing style is stilted and awkward and the event descriptions are basically non-existant.

The main character appears to grow a penis ("Her panties suddenly felt bunched. There was a great swelling above her vagina. She had to know what was happening. She thrust her hand down. She frowned.") but then proceeds to do absolutely nothing with it afterwards, nor in fact even mention it again.

Similarly, the breast expansion in this story is relegated to a single paragraph ("Her blouse snapped. She landed on her breasts. They were out to her side. She cupped them with her hands. They were pleasurable. They were hers.") and not explored at all beyond that point.

This feels and looks like a rough concept rather than an actual story. If you develop the ideas you have here and work on your sentence structure (fewer two-word sets ended by a period) to make it less abrupt, you could have a really great story here, but right now it's basically a skeleton with no flesh and some missing bones.

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 1

Terrible grammer. It was hard to follow. I did not finish it.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 3

This seemed more like you had jotted down some ideas, but didn't actually write a story. It seems like an interesting idea, but without fleshing it out, an idea isn't a story.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 4

A nice start, but where's the rest? It feels like the first page of something that should be much longer. Expand on this so it doesn't feel like you're rushing through events, and write the rest!

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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