The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

The Sirenus Elite, Volume 1 - Citizen
Meet Victor Forrest, a common Citizen in the city of Sirenus, whose day starts out like every other, but something happens that will change his life forever.
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Very well thought out, a very good read with nice character development and plot. Great Story! Can't wait for the next installment.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 5

Nice! This story could stand alone and still be really good.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

A very refreshing type of story, Hopefully the next one will come soon.

Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 4

I'm not gonna sit hear and slag your story because that's pretty shity however I would like to hazard a guess woman wrote this story. Feminist women, I can't like a world where a whole gender is treated as slaves men or women it just isn't right. Next in what universe would the leaders of the world agree to the subjigation of a an entire group of people through genetic alteration. Next since when is it true that if women are in control a society will be peacefull. Women fight just not as often physicaly as men they go at each other and men through back stabbing and coniving. They usually don't just say it to your face, and get it over with. However don't get me wroong their really isn't that much of a diference between men and women besides what society breeds into them. Last and definitely most importantly conflict isn't a bad thing it breeds creativity and leads to change. Which is important for an ever changing world as charles darwin famously said it is not a speices strength or intellegence or speed or any physical atribute that will make that speices dominant it is it's ability to adapt. Also war doesn't control population anymore once a country reaches a certain level of industrial development it's birth and death rates level out war's purpose is for the rich and powerfull to take what they want using the poor as pawns for their ambitions. This story is also very unerotic then again that's a matter of personal preference so that comment isn't all that important. Sorry for going off like this it's just this (The theory behind not the story actualy pretty well writen) is such a steaming pile of crap it astounds me that people actually think this is even remotely a decent plot. The charaters are also very, very, poorly written their train of thoughts are so screwed up for their backrounds. Probably put to much thought into this sorry for being such a downer.

Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 3

"So so" story, but not a story for this site. Very little BE in the story and this site is about the focus on BE. The main focus was on some futuristic society ruled by woman who happen to have perfect bodies with a little description on the side about breast expansion before it moves on. Although, I very much doubt this story was written by a woman as "realist" says, because the women were bland, boring, predictable, stereotyped, etc.

The story was unbelievable, even though it is set in the future. The author needs to suck the reader into the story for the reader to "believe" what happens. The story also didn't go anywhere with the length it was written in. Way too much exposition at times. "Show" more, don't "tell" so much. Most readers aren't stupid and will pick up on well placed sublties.

As for the erotic nature; it is lacking along with the BE. Breast enlargement is sexually associated by 99.9% (male and female) of western society. Erotic doesn't mean explicit either.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 5, Technical= 4

I would LOVE it if Realist would follow this link: , because, no offense to him, but I think he SEVERELY missed what I was trying to convey. Also, I think everyone else should read this too, for some good background information behind my ideas. (Legacyguy will have to scroll down to the last few paragraphs for my comments on him - nothing bad, I promise ;)

Overall= 4, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 5

Well written and creative. I liked the premise of the story, but in terms of erotica, it was a little tepid. Characters were lacking in some depth. Otherwise, it was an excellent read.

Overall= 5, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 4

If it keeps going somewhere else it can be agreat BE story.In general its a great story but with little focus on BE and or sex. Charatcers were thin but caan be developed. Being that this is the first volume or story I will have to wait to give my final verdict.

Overall= 2, BE= 1, Characters= 2, Technical= 5

Technically the writing was a very high quality, but the characters didn't do much for me, nor did the society. The main male character made me think of a cow with how overly placid he was about revelations that should have been earthshattering and I couldn't see why the female character being so quick to accept him. As for the society well... my only comment is that being female I can testify to the fact that women are not inherintly more peaceful than men, in general we just don't have the physical strength that men do. To be honest I think this site isn't the best place to post this story, you may want to look at other venues.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 5

I have almost exactly the same comments as with HorseRadish. The premise is particularly interesting and offers plenty of opportunity for further development. Looking forward to the next installment.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

The author knows how to use a spell checker, and the grammar is fine.

That puts it ahead of 97% of the stories posted here, but I just didn't give a crap about the characters, much less understand why they were doing what they were doing.

Also, the sentences need to be stripped out excess verbiage and dependent clauses. Think of your audience- they're not medical researchers, they're perverts who read at the eighth grade level.

A good editor could help the author make this a decent story.

Overall= 5, BE= 4, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

Loved it all from start to finish. Very visual.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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Rate this story from 1-5 stars (5 stars is best) in the following categories:

Overall Enjoyment(How much did you like the story overall?)
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BE Description (Detail, quantity, quality)
1 2 3 4 5

Characters (Descriptions, likeability)
1 2 3 4 5

Technical Quality (Writing style, grammar, etc.)
1 2 3 4 5

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