The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

First Workz
The beginners guide to ANR: Hazel
After having a LONG break I thought i'd give this project a shot and see what people think,

any thoughts, views,oppinions,etc mail me:
Average Scores:

Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

awesome lactation! but not enough BE!

Just Zis Guy
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

It was good to see a different approach to a BE story. I like that the the approach to how the main character discovers a new side of herself. The technical side of things was not the greatest, but not anywhere near the worst I've seen, and easily corrected by having a friend proofread before submitting your next one. I look forward to more from you, and hope you continue this story with a sequel. Thanks!

Jason G
Overall= 4, BE= 3, Characters= 4, Technical= 2

While not the worst grammar and spelling I've seen here, it's not very good, as Helium Girl pointed out. However, I was able to muscle through it and find that under the run-ons and wrong words, there really was a great story in there. You do have some excellent story-telling skills, but like a lot of writers (myself included) it's sometimes hard to put them on paper and still keep the feelings/emotions that you have in your head. Check your email...

Devon Boy D. (Author)
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Helium Girl,

Thanks for the comment, its been about..6 months i think since i last attempted anything for the t.o.b, i dont really read books that much as there isnt really that much that appeals and i dont have a poticularly good attention span,

i might re-read deathly hallows again, although the first time it took me 3 days (thats with work, breaks AND sleep lol) if i write any more chapters or stories for this little project i'll invest in a proof reader, as i may or may not have mentioned in my first post im dyslexic which means I sometimes struggle to keep track of where i am going in terms of story,

im considdering writing another chapter or story but keeping it short as anr is diffacult to write, even with experience.

I was trying to keep the B.E short as natural breast expansion will varie from woman to woman,

I'd like to ask if you "Helium Girl" would be interested in being the chief-consultant for the next part of this project if enough interest in this one, if your interested can you please mail me and let me know when you think

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 4, Technical= 1

The story is decent, the BE aspect rather limited, the characters well developed -- well, at least the protagonist was. But PLEASE do us all a favor and get someone to proofread your stories before you post them! There are lots of places where it's pretty obvious that you just chose the first option the spell checker offered. You have great potential as an author if you can get someone to help you with the mechanics of writing.

Very Free
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I made it to the fifth paragraph before the poor or lack of punctuation, run-on sentences and other errors made it too damn difficult to continue. I'm sorry, but I have to say this needs a _lot_ of work to clean up the story before it's fit for reading.

Devon Boy D. (author)
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

THANKS! thats the first positive review i've ever had :D

This story is designed to be the pilot or "first of its kind" in terms of adult nursing relationships, adult breastfeeding while at the same time trying to keep it as real as possible.

My main aim was to make it as real as possible based on personal experience and how a female character would react when questioning her sexuality and whether or not doing something, especially as strange as this, like this was right or not rather then focus on the BE.

For the breast expansion, lactation based expansion is diffacult to write (even for a pilot) as each women is different, some will grow more or bigger then others like wise amount of milk produced will be different from woman to woman,

I dont really have any plans to write any sequals unless this short book proves to be popular or collects a lot of interest amungst the BE community, with A LOT of luck the BE & Anr/Abf communities could talk and work together, after all, BE and adult breastfeeding do go together :)

Overall= 5, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 5

I'm giving technical a five but I'm no good at the technical stuff myself so I can't be sure. I didn't see anything wrong anyway. I'm usually not into the whole lactation thing but you did an excellent job of it.

All in all I enjoyed the story, the breast expansion elements were fairly weak however. You left a lot to the imagination of the reader but it was easy to follow. One thing that did annoy me a little bit was the main characters repetitive indecisiveness.

This was shortly after Sandra had arrived at the apartment. Mulling it over wasn't a bad thing and perfectly understandable but different words or descriptions could have been used to break it up a little instead of the same line 3-4 times in less then two pages.

I also liked how you tried to be informative on the subject at hand with the wiki links. The modern references like the george foreman grill were excellent as well. They really pegged down the time period and made it seem like the story had happened sometime in the last year or two at most.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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