The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Moms special pills (redux) and chapter 2
This is an edited version of Dirty Mind's story. I fixed the grammar and most of the spelling mistake as well as adjusting the story a bit for better flow. The end of chapter one and all of chapter two are written by me. This is my first time writing anything so any criticism is welcome as I will be writing more. 
Average Scores:

Above Ground Pool
Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 2, Technical= 2

Well, actually, a lot of what you write is not quite true !... well, okay, it does not matter:D

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

I'm surprised Dirty Mind would even lay claim to this story. The plot itself is unrealistically juvenile. As for this yahoo, proof read. Heck your using Windows Word for tryin' out loud.

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

This was not very well done. Your correction of the original is no better. There are still very many grammar and spelling errors. Because of the change in writing style I think this is even harder to read than the original.

elvis at last
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Russian Judge is right about almost everything. However, I think you need something stronger than Strunk and White. Try Fowler’s Modern English Usage.

Russian Judge
Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Aitchbee said it. Even a free word processor like Open Office's would have picked up the misspellings you left. And if you don't know how to do the possessive case ("I see the hamster with its hamster toy") or other important parts of grammar, go pick up a cheap used copy of Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style." And yes, one page is not a sequel. Worst of all, the guy you stole from, Dirty Mind, is pretty damn subliterate; if you had to steal, why not steal from a good author?

Dirty Mind
Overall= 1, BE= 1, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Foogo u fucking stole my story. and u made it worse. ask before u fucking plagiarize.

Overall= 1, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

No. Find friend to edit or something if you must (although I'm sure the incest thing probably won't be too popular.)

At least you are writing I guess, but a one page part II is not a part II.

The Almighty Popo
Overall= 2, BE= 2, Characters= 1, Technical= 2

Your grammar and spelling still need a lot of work. Also, the idea of a mom and son boning is a little disturbing, though that might just be a personal preference.

Overall= 3, BE= 3, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Sorry I had to reformat my pc the other day and was too lazy to reinstall ms word. The mood to write just hit me at 2am.

Chaos Master
Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 3

Pretty good for both your first time and having to work within another author's frame work! Will there be more chapters, hopefully with more characters or the main characters going out in public?

Overall= 2, BE= 3, Characters= 1, Technical= 1

Your edit of the story still contained plenty of errors red-underlined by WORD. Why didn't you fix them?. ALWAYS PROOF-READ AND USE SPELL-CHECK BEFORE POSTING!!!

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