The Definitive BE Story Archive

The Overflowing Bra

Age of Sex
[The original sexual pregnancy fantasy epic! (Sadly unfinished.) Written by Invictusvoxfini in the days of yesteryear.]

     The world is called Maljestic and its lands are in turmoil. The immortals that benevolently, though sometimes mischievously, watch over the many races of the realm are under siege by one of their own. Using their powers against them the powerful beings can do nothing to help those they protect. It is up to the mortals to free their immortals and themselves.

            This is a tale of an age where sexual desire runs rampant among the immortals and those mortals whom they guarded, good and evil. Their only salvation lay between the mammoth breasts of the beautiful half- elven female, of a mysterious decent, Raylenethos and her two companions, the dashing rouge elf, Khambien and the gorgeous elven gypsy Charlize. Standing against them and the mastermind of the immortals lose of inhibition is the dark Lord Epyon and his minions. Unknown to the companions, Lord Epyon has abducted the Lady Lethan, the immortal of Lust. With out her presence all inhibition and control is lost and wild lust is freed, even amongst the best of people and races, including the immortals. The three companions, with the aid of a beautiful but flighty nymph and an immortal swords master and a dragon feared by all, they will have to fight and fuck their way across the lands to face the deadly Epyon and free both mortal and immortal from his sexual siege. Let our tale begin. 
Average Scores:

Overall= 4, BE= 4, Characters= 4, Technical= 3

This was incredibly over the top but you can't help but admire how much this feels like an old naughty version of a D&D campaign. As a gamer I can't help but enjoy the references but I admit, this really needs an ending! I would love to see how it all ends!

Overall= 5, BE= 5, Characters= 5, Technical= 5

I remember it from years ago and thought it was one of the best things I've ever read. However, in hindsight it is a bit long so after a while some scenes seem a bit samey. I did wish the plot did develop a bit more. Apart from that the technical quality was excellent, I do like a broad vocabulary. Ultimately, hugely pregnant chicks are a personal favourite so I enjoyed it immensely!

Overall= 3, BE= 4, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

You hint at having written this story a long time ago, so you've likely improved since then. But this particular story as it is suffers from overwriting. Some purple prose is expected here, but the descriptions of things are over and beyond what is necessary.

It probably made sense when you were writing it, but could have benefited from a read through before calling it done. At that point you might have noticed the mucosey prose gets gummed up trying to get to the point.

They key to writing anything, it doesn't matter what, is to say what you need to say as simply as possible. You won't find many famous writer quotes about how "More is More!". They DO say things like "brevity is the soul of wit", however.

Just get your point across (the boobs were big, the penis was large), in as few words as you can. Instead of five adjectives just use one really good one - so good it instantly describes the object perfectly. It's harder to do, sure, but doing something well is supposed to be difficult.

As is you get major props for the sheer volume of world building and imagination on display. It's extremely impressive.

Overall= 3, BE= 2, Characters= 3, Technical= 2

I'd really like to read it but I can't open it.

Please give the authors feedback, I can not emphasize enough how important it is to them.
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